More and more people are getting married a second time or later in life. The great thing in both cases is that you can truly be in charge of the happy day. You don’t need to be constrained by some or all the rules that seem to affect the young first time marriage.
Second time around you tend to be more wary and worldly wise, and later in life you can do your own thing. In both cases, most of the time the couple tend to be “more in love” than “also in lust” like the younger couples. It is usually a very conscious decision to tie the knot and commit to each other. Quite often the couple are better placed financially. The “how”, the “why” and the “where” are less constrained by tradition.
The second or later wedding brings a different family dynamic. There may be children (and even grandchildren), parents may no longer be alive and friends come in different packages. There are number of things that you can do differently. The formality of the wedding, the location, the style and the size can be different to tradition. Indeed you can “style” your wedding to suit your desires.
Despite many experts suggesting that traditional wedding attire may not be appropriate, you do not have to listen to them. If you want to have an elegant wedding then the pair of you can. Later in life and second time around you are less likely to bother what others think about your decision. You will recognise that the wedding is for you. It is a chance for you to cement your love and commitment for each other.
Additionally, the old rule of having a small, discreet, second wedding no longer applies; feel free to do what you think is appropriate and will make both you and your future spouse happy. Whether this means a large wedding with you in a long white dress and
veil or a small, intimate gathering with you wearing anything but a white dress, is entirely up to you.
Maybe your first wedding was a simple affair and this time you want to pull out all the stops. Now that you are older, you probably feel less obligated to make your choices based on your parents’ wishes, so you have a wider range of choices available to you. Here are some ideas
Here are a few thoughts in planning:
Dress.You may want to have the usual ornate gown, but you can choose a more Party atmosphere. I have seen some very informal second marriages, which are either themed dress to make it more fun Quite often the groom will often still wear a suit, but the bride will have a more formal dress rather than the “princess dress”.
Family Members. There are likely to be children and parents may not be alive. I saw a really lovely second wedding recently where the bride and groom’s parents were both dead. They involved their children in a lovely and inclusive way. They were married in a Registry Office. The Groom’s son was the Best Man. That also meant that the “top table” at the Reception consisted of the combined family. This was a great way of bringing the two families together. Incidentally the groom’s first wife attended and was very supportive.
Location. There are various options; some churches are allowing second marriages more often now. However, the options are actually a little wider:
- Destination Weddings. This can be overseas, somewhere special, but is usually a holiday location. The ceremony and reception can take place together and can double as a holiday for everyone who attends. Obviously this is a more expensive option for the family and the couple because of the travel and accommodation costs. This means that this type of wedding is often restricted to close family and friends.
- Private Ceremony with a Large Reception. To make the wedding more intimate, couples can choose to have a private ceremony that is followed by a big party where friends and family are invited. The private ceremony may include only immediate family, or I have seen just the bride, groom and witnesses.
- Surprise Weddings. In this type of wedding the guests are not invited to a “wedding”. It is often disguised as a birthday party or holiday get-together. The couple then springs the surprise by telling them that they are getting married today – here and now. You are the guests. This ploy is often used when the couple want to avoid a great deal of fuss, but to celebrate the happy day with friends.
A friend of mine told me of the ultimate surprise wedding he attended many years ago. He worked with the groom, who walked into the office at about 11 am one morning and said “What have you lot got planned for lunch today?” The office, most of his friends, all said not much. He responded by saying “Okay, well at about 12.09 pm I am getting married next door in the Registry Office next door, by the way Frank and Jane will you be the witnesses”? At 12.05 they all trooped downstairs and waited at the bus stop outside, his bride to be was a clippie on one of the local buses, she gets off and they all troop into the Registry Office for the ceremony. Then it was into the Pub next door for pie, chips and beer. The new wife then goes back to the bus an hour later and gets on with the next journey. Everyone else goes back to work – definitely the way to keep things secret.
So whatever your thoughts about the second or later wedding, you can have much more control over the event. You can have as much or little fuss as you both want. The end result is that statistically second or later marriages tend to be more resilient and last.
If you decide to have a second or later life wedding, why not choose a Photographer who will complement your wedding and contact me at Martin Neeves Photography or call me on 01455 271 849 or on 07973 638 591.